sometimes, Mom can be ridiculous. she can't see me sitting, facing the computer. & starts blabbing things, hinting as if i was watching some kind of the un-rated stuffs. of course, i'm not. at times, i got really irritated with her finding excuses so that i won't have the heart to play the computer. why? can't i even blog? what's wrong with PLAYING THE COMP?

saying things like,
"jangan kasi rosak computer tu, nanti shikin marah baru tau." (as if i don't know how to USE it. not like i kept on banging the monitor, right?)
"ah, buat aper tu!" (that's her favourite one & i really hate the way she sound when she say that.)
"baik-baik, jangan kasi meletop computer tu." (hello?? did u see i'm playing with fire here? no, riiiiight.)
"main computer, tak nak tolong lipat baju eh." (which what she just said just now.)

she have the tendacy to think that adults are always right. & the younger ones, SHOULD listen to every word the older ones said. do she ever listen to the whole story? do she really understand what i'm going through in my life? do she ever asked if i have any problems? do she ever care what i feel? she doesn't seem to let me feel the happiness in a teenage life. no outings with friends whatsoever. not even once a week, unlike the others. she compares me with my other three sisters, which never fail to make me tear every single time. i really want to speak up & say things isn't the same like the olden times. life changes, but not her. but if i did, i would know exactly what's gona happened. she'll start accusing that i'm following what friends asked me to say. she have no idea i'm living in misery.

even though i'm still a kid (to her eyes), doesn't mean i can't play the computer. let me grow up, & think for my own. there's more i want to say but it's just too hard for me to explain them in words. everything is too complicated, & ..unfair. i really want to have some happy memories during my teenage days. but no, instead i'm feeling kinda depressed & everything is in a mess, a big mess. it's not like i wana show how bad my Mom is. i just need to express my feelings rather than bottling them up, & make me go crazy. i want to have some life too, some happiness & some freedom.

crying does help. the tears resemble the sadness, one by one making u feel better, naturally. i don't hate my Mom. in fact, i love her & no one can ever replace her. except, i really wish she could understand.

luckily, i have this blog of mine. & of course, friends who dearly listen to my problems everytime. i could just smile & live my life the way it is, for now. :)